Brotocol: The Weekend of Man Rules

To maintain the status of respectable Men, several rules have been drafted over the years to help new and returning Men enjoy all the delights offered by The Weekend of Man, as well as to make sure we are allowed to return for future Weekends of Man.

1) William and Theodore: The Rule of Bill & Ted
As stated so eloquently by none other than Abraham Lincoln himself at the end of a most triumphant movie: Be excellent to each other, and party on dudes.

Each Man shall see to it that the enjoyment of The Weekend of Man by other Men is prioritized above his own.

2) The Naked Man in the Night: The Rule of Supply & Demand
Drafted in response to an egregious error by attending Man Arctic Barker during The Weekend of Man 2009, this rule is to protect the assets under the care of any Man while on The Weekend of Man.

Should a man (emphasis on lower-case) that is not part of the The Weekend of Man Alumni knock on the door at 3:00 in the morning seeking to barter for the sustenance contained within any refrigerating device in possession of The Weekend of Man Alumni, a Founding Member must be immediately summoned as only Founding Members hold the authority to conduct such negotiation. A Founding Member must uphold the following responsibilities:

- Under no circumstance will this negotiation allow for the sale of goods equal to or less than market value.

- The time at which this event occurs combined with the remoteness of The Area of Man, particularly the proximity of the nearest open vendor of alcohol, shall directly dictate pricing of goods above market value.

- The state of undress and the perceived need of assisting said individual in achieving womanly accompaniment for the night shall act as a multiplier for the above-mentioned calculation of price.

- Under no circumstance will change be accepted, and even more strictly so, no change will ever be given.

Mathematically:

Price = MV + MA * (U + D)

MV = Market Value
MA = Market Availability Ratio
U = Undress
D = Desperation

3) The Bobocracy: The Rule of Decision Making
While Men are encouraged to fend for themselves during The Weekend of Man, it is inevitable that discourse or disagreement may occur about a variety of things involved in The Weekend of Man. At this time (and all other times) the only person to carry any decision-making authority is the Chief Man.

All decisions made by the Chief Man are final and binding.

4) Her Majesty's Ship: The Rule of Captaincy on the Seas
Any Man who shall contribute a vessel to The Fleet of Man shall act as captain of His own vessel and maintain all authority related to the operation and safety of said vessel. The Captain may appoint a First Officer, however the safe operation of His vessel remains the sole responsibility of the Captain and all passenger and crew must obey any order given by the Captain.

In regards to Captain's decisions related to the next fishing spot, all Captain's rules apply, unless specifically overridden by Brotocol #3.

5) Russell Crowe: The Rule of The Gladiator
It is the responsibility of all The Weekend of Man Alumni to make certain that no Man enters The Gladiator alone. Should any chaperoned Man enter, his expenditures must be limited to under ten dollars American. This limit also applies to the chaperone.

6) Quid Pro Bro - The Rule of Instigation and Participation
No Man shall act as an instigator to any action undertaken by other Men without participating in said action himself.  This rule is specifically drafted to prevent abuse of Brotocol #1, mostly involving high-end tequila and other ideas hatched within the mind of The Wizard.

7) Lipetzky's Law: The Rule of Beer
Lipetzky's Law, a thoroughly tested hypothesis-turned-theory-turned-universal-law posits the following:

There are no bad beers. Some beers are just better than others. *

It is hereby declared that The Weekend of Man will not be a forum upon which laws of the Universe will be challenged. Therefore, no Man shall make any critique of another Man's selection of beverage in a derogatory or insulting way, and under no condition claim that said choice is bad or of poor taste.

The unique attributes of any beverage may be debated or explored, but only by providing constructive criticism of the characteristics created by the beer's Brewmaster.

* Lipetzky's Law does not apply to anything brewed in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. It has been determined by many a Man that what exists within a can originating in LaCrosse, regardless of brand, is not in fact beer, but something much more sinister.

8) Simon: The Rule of Mobile Devices
Responsibility falls to each Man so esteemed to be called Alumni to immediately take action if He feels that the mobile device of a fellow Man is being used with unacceptable frequency for those whom He has left behind during The Weekend of Man. The observing Man has full authority to take any action deemed necessary to prevent future abuse through the duration of The Weekend of Man, up to and including the destruction of the mobile device.

Should the offending Man think that the actions taken by an observing Man are irrational, he may seek restitution from the observing Man by appealing his displeasure to the Chief Man.

The Chief Man will rule exclusively in favor of the observing Man.

9) Maverick & Iceman:  The Rule of The Wingman
Should any Man whose status is Single (tax filing or Facebook) engage himself in a situation that requires a Wingman, the Wingman shall not disengage from the situation until the outcome is certain, regardless of the outcome.  The Wingman shall not be allowed to perform any act in violation of a bond (legal, spoken, or otherwise) of a pre-existing relationship.

Should the relationship status of the primary agressor not fit the criteria outlined above, the Wingman's responsibility is to remove himself and the Man in violation from the situation.  The offending Man is not allowed to object.

10) Plinko:  The Rule of Morning Drinking
Inspired by Wizards Bar & Grill in Nashwauk, MN, The Price is Right television program dictates mandatory morning drinking.

Should the game of Plinko be played during The Price is Right on any given day, every Man is required to immediately begin drinking an alcoholic beverage, regardless of physical, mental, or spiritual condition.

This rule is in effect each day of The Weekend of Man that The Price is Right airs.